- Discover What's Holding You Back From Having The Relationship You've Always Dreamed Of! - Get Free Mini Session to Your Inbox :)

What to Do if He is Pulling Away

Love it? Share it!

ImageMen will frequently test you to see just how into them you are and how much they can get away with. The more you are willing to put up with, the more he is going to get away with. This doesn’t stop after the first few months it will happen periodically throughout the relationship. I am not suggesting they do this purposely or maliciously. It starts as fun and games but your response is what will determine you ultimate relationship outcome.

So if he starts to call or see you less often than the norm (and that bothers you) you can do something about it.  You do this by not waiting eagerly for him to decide when he is going to see you or call you. Not always being readily available takes you from sad puppy dog to fierce sex kitten.

The same can be applied to a man you live with pulling away. When things get repetitive they get boring for men. If you find your man is starting to ignore you at home. It’s time to get out of the house. You will get the desired outcome whether you go away for the weekend or just go get your nails done. When we get comfortable in a relationship we get lazy. When we are oh so in love with our best friend we tend to want to just stay home in our sweats and watch Breaking Bad reruns.

While that is awesome too you have to make it a priority to pull yourself away from the television and join a spin class, go out for drinks with the girls, or better yet go away for a girl’s weekend. Men’s feelings grow during absence while women’s feelings grow from togetherness.  If he starts taking you for granted it’s probably because you are taking yourself for granted too. Doing things separately will add to your own life and your love life, it will give you more to talk about, and it will give you a chance to miss each other.

If a man thinks your world revolves around him he is more likely to take you for granted. The chase is over, he’s won you, and he can act how he pleases.  He knows you will be right there waiting for him moment he takes time out of his busy schedule to see you. Whether that schedule is boys nights or video game-athons, if he is dictating your together time then he is controlling the relationship.

I will give you an example of my friend Sarah* (names have been changed) after 7 months of a serious relationship she found herself out of a job and suddenly with loads to time to see her boyfriend on his schedule. Not only that, she would cook and clean his apartment while he was at work. Sounds like a sweet girlfriend right? Well sure until he feels like he dictates when he sees you and when he doesn’t (and when he doesn’t you’ll clean his apartment!) Alas he started to pull away, seeing her less often, choosing fishing trips over stag and does with her friends, and just seeming a little off in general.

Then, being the lovely anti-princess she is, she took action. Instead of whining that he wasn’t giving her enough attention, she took away her attention from him instead. She made herself just slightly less available to his every text and phone call. She came down to a girl’s night with us where we drank lots of wine, ate appetizers, and laughed all night. While she was out with us she left her phone in her purse and didn’t look at it all night (because we were having so much fun!) In the morning she had several calls and texts messages and a picture text as well. When she finally responded to him she acted like nothing and things started changing immediately. When he did go away on his fishing trip he sent her flowers as a thank you for not getting mad that he was going!

I know some people tend to have the reaction that this is game playing and that you shouldn’t have to play games in a relationship. I would argue that fighting and making someone feel guilty or untrusted is a kind of game as well. If this is a game I guarantee you it is the healthiest one you can play in a relationship. Think of it as taking control of your side of the relationship. Men are naturally more likely to text you less when they are away or just pull away now and then in general, than women are. This is simply creating equality. This will show him that you deserve respect as much as he does. As an additional bonus you will get the reassurance that he actually does care without having to beg him to tell you so every single day.

Happily Ever After Starts With You,


13 Comments on What to Do if He is Pulling Away

  1. Janelle
    at (7 months ago)

    Hi Ash I just wanted to say that your blog is awesome! I found it at just right time in my relationship! Especially this post it is exactly what I needed to hear! You did save this princess alot of unnecessary conversations! You have a new fan!

    • Ashley Marie
      at (7 months ago)

      Hi Janelle!

      Thank you for your kinds words.. I am so happy that this post helped you. It is certainly one of my most popular posts by views and searches so also know that your not alone in feeling the way you did!

      Wishing you love and happiness,


      • gail
        at (5 months ago)

        Hi…I liked this post as well…..I just dont understand if I shoud wait for him to contact me or if I should reach out to him?

        • Ashley Marie
          at (5 months ago)

          Hi Gail!

          Wait for him to contact you. The key here is if he isn’t respecting your time you shouldn’t wait around, or at least don’t let him know you are waiting around. If a man wants to be with you he will get in touch with you regardless of what else is going on in his life.

          Thanks for reading! :)

  2. stella
    at (4 months ago)

    If he pulls away for whatever reason……I tell him to piss off coz his temper tantrums are not woth it……Who wants to mother a grown man?

  3. Sophia eddy
    at (2 months ago)

    Is it wrong to say this but is this the only way to keep a guy? All of these articles on what to do and what to say, it kinda makes me feel a little I’ll. I have a friend who’s a guy and recently we got close with each other, he said I make him happy. I do like him and care but he’s told me he just wants to b friends so I’m cool with that, last time I saw him I strictly acted how I would with any other friend, anyway we had a really fun time then he hits me with you make me happy, I’m going to go into myself for a bit I want to find myself. That was two weeks ago, I haven’t contacted him and don’t intend to, I’m really confused as to what I should do I don’t want to invade his me time by asking if he’s feeling better. The thought of putting soooomuch effort into just hanging out with a guy is freak in crazy! What do I do?

    • Ashley Marie
      at (2 months ago)

      Hi Sophia!

      I totally get what you are feeling…It can feel really shitty or unfair that we have to do all these little things to “get the guy”. Here’s the truth about the rules…they are really for you, not for him. They are to help you get to a place that is totally respectful or your self. When you get total acceptance of self and who you are, you will see this guys’s game a mile away and say, “no thank you I am not interested in putting my emotions through the ringer” and just naturally do this keep your distance “trick” I am suggesting.

      When a man says he just wants to be friends he is telling the truth. I know us ladies have the tendency to think deep down “Once he sees how amazing I am he will change his mind, so I will just accept this “friendship” for now and see how it plays out.” He probably knows you are a little more into him than friends and pulled away because of what he said, he really doesn’t want a relationship.

      Is there a chance that if you give him space he will come around and realize that he really does have more than “friend’s feelings” for you… maybe… but I wouldn’t hold my breath. He certainly won’t realize it if you go after him because it sends the message to him that he is the be all and end all to your happiness even though he is totally not available.

      I would let this guy go and move on… after all your happiness Miss Sophia does not depend on this Lame-o guy who is screwing with your head. You are so worth sooooo much more than that. So even though it is hard, walk away, and find a man who is ready to be more-than-friends right from the start.

      xo, Ash

  4. Becca Thomas
    at (2 months ago)

    Hi Ash,
    I need advice. My boyfriend and I have just started dating recently but we’ve been best friends for years. We started getting serious and everything was going great but one day he just started pulling away. Now he is leaving for the air force in a week and I wont be able to talk to him till November. I dont want him to go like this but I dont know what to do to bring him back so we can have one last romantic time before he leaves… help! Please!

  5. Isabelle0614
    at (1 week ago)

    I realize this entry is old but I found it quite helpful.

    I have been dating a guy for 5 months who.was my friend 2 years prior. I never saw us.being.romantic and made this clear to him. But he was persistent and I ended up surrendering. Now im in love.

    The qualities that I loved so much about him began to dissipate so I started to push away feeling like this wasn’t going to work for me. Truthfully I realize that he is just feeling comfortable and I Was feeling guarded and uncertain. I spoke impulsively a few times pushing him away and wish I hadn’t.

    I went on a two week vacation recently and told him prior that I missed the dynamic we had as friends and felt that maybe we.should continue being just that. Friends

    He told me that he loves me and was hoping we could transition into something solid at a slow and steady pace. He said I have brought it up alot and that he wants me to be happy so he will respect my wishes and continue as friends.

    The whole time I was gone I limited my contact. He.contacted me daily amd.even sent songs but he also.refrained from showing any verbal affections during this time

    Once I returned we hung out right away and were intimate but he has not expressed any affection via text or verbally. We usually sleep together several times a day which has decreased severely since my arrival back yet he will hold me all day and night.

    I wish I wouldn’t have said what I said so many times because he is pulling away. I don’t want to convey this to him either because I don’t think he wants more deep talk, especially with how busy work has been for him but more importantly because I have said so much already

    His communication outside of us physically being together is dwindling and I feel like I should give him some space for a bit and maybe not even be available a couple days this weekend to allow some more space.

    He isn’t a very affectionate person to begin with but I Have seen him break down and the sweet gestures and references have stopped.

    He still wants to spend time together but seems guarded within that time. Her is the first person I have let my guard down to post my 10 year relationship ended two years ago. He has known me as a guarded person yet I have completely become vulnerable and affectionate. Should I give home more space?

    • Ashley Marie
      at (7 days ago)

      Hi Isabelle,

      It sounds as though you were the one pulling away :) Because you have been protecting yourself you have been sending him very mixed messages. If you indeed don’t want to just be friends anymore, then I suggest you tell him you were confused and protecting yourself before, but are now ready to make it official. If he still wishes to do so. It doesn’t have to be a deep conversation, just a calm and clear clarification.

      Good luck!


  6. Melissa
    at (3 days ago)

    Ashley, so I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four months so far. We’ve been talking online for 1 year before I met him and for a good three months our relationship was long distance which we were communicating everyday. I just moved closer to him from two states away to an hour half away. Now it’s like the little things he used to do he stops doing them and pushes me away. He gives me the impression he doesn’t care anymore like he used to, I feel like he takes me for granted. It’s like I make the effort to see him and he doesn’t, I saw him the other day and didn’t show me no affection. I noticed when I see him he always makes excuses that he has to work or get stuff done, so he makes me leave. I just feel something isn’t right. He just doesn’t open up to me and it hurts so bad. I feel like I’m doing my part, and I show I care. Should I worry he may be cheating on me or does he care anymore where he just wants the relationship to fail. I would think moving closer he would appreciate that a lot and feelings just don’t feel the same as it was in our long distance we had.

  7. gail
    at (5 months ago)

    should I just respond to him when he reaches out or should i let him know i am thinking about him with a text? that i miss him and want to know how he is?


1Pingbacks & Trackbacks on What to Do if He is Pulling Away

  1. […] say you are having an issue in your relationship like he starts pulling away or you think he doesn’t care as much for you as you do for him and you search the internet […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *