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What to Do if He is Pulling Away

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ImageMen will frequently test you to see just how into them you are and how much they can get away with. The more you are willing to put up with, the more he is going to get away with. This doesn’t stop after the first few months it will happen periodically throughout the relationship. I am not suggesting they do this purposely or maliciously. It starts as fun and games but your response is what will determine you ultimate relationship outcome.

So if he starts to call or see you less often than the norm (and that bothers you) you can do something about it.  You do this by not waiting eagerly for him to decide when he is going to see you or call you. Not always being readily available takes you from sad puppy dog to fierce sex kitten.

The same can be applied to a man you live with pulling away. When things get repetitive they get boring for men. If you find your man is starting to ignore you at home. It’s time to get out of the house. You will get the desired outcome whether you go away for the weekend or just go get your nails done. When we get comfortable in a relationship we get lazy. When we are oh so in love with our best friend we tend to want to just stay home in our sweats and watch Breaking Bad reruns.

While that is awesome too you have to make it a priority to pull yourself away from the television and join a spin class, go out for drinks with the girls, or better yet go away for a girl’s weekend. Men’s feelings grow during absence while women’s feelings grow from togetherness.  If he starts taking you for granted it’s probably because you are taking yourself for granted too. Doing things separately will add to your own life and your love life, it will give you more to talk about, and it will give you a chance to miss each other.

If a man thinks your world revolves around him he is more likely to take you for granted. The chase is over, he’s won you, and he can act how he pleases.  He knows you will be right there waiting for him moment he takes time out of his busy schedule to see you. Whether that schedule is boys nights or video game-athons, if he is dictating your together time then he is controlling the relationship.

I will give you an example of my friend Sarah* (names have been changed) after 7 months of a serious relationship she found herself out of a job and suddenly with loads to time to see her boyfriend on his schedule. Not only that, she would cook and clean his apartment while he was at work. Sounds like a sweet girlfriend right? Well sure until he feels like he dictates when he sees you and when he doesn’t (and when he doesn’t you’ll clean his apartment!) Alas he started to pull away, seeing her less often, choosing fishing trips over stag and does with her friends, and just seeming a little off in general.

Then, being the lovely anti-princess she is, she took action. Instead of whining that he wasn’t giving her enough attention, she took away her attention from him instead. She made herself just slightly less available to his every text and phone call. She came down to a girl’s night with us where we drank lots of wine, ate appetizers, and laughed all night. While she was out with us she left her phone in her purse and didn’t look at it all night (because we were having so much fun!) In the morning she had several calls and texts messages and a picture text as well. When she finally responded to him she acted like nothing and things started changing immediately. When he did go away on his fishing trip he sent her flowers as a thank you for not getting mad that he was going!

I know some people tend to have the reaction that this is game playing and that you shouldn’t have to play games in a relationship. I would argue that fighting and making someone feel guilty or untrusted is a kind of game as well. If this is a game I guarantee you it is the healthiest one you can play in a relationship. Think of it as taking control of your side of the relationship. Men are naturally more likely to text you less when they are away or just pull away now and then in general, than women are. This is simply creating equality. This will show him that you deserve respect as much as he does. As an additional bonus you will get the reassurance that he actually does care without having to beg him to tell you so every single day.

Happily Ever After Starts With You,

Ash.

10 Comments on What to Do if He is Pulling Away

  1. Janelle
    at (6 months ago)

    Hi Ash I just wanted to say that your blog is awesome! I found it at just right time in my relationship! Especially this post it is exactly what I needed to hear! You did save this princess alot of unnecessary conversations! You have a new fan!

    Reply
    • Ashley Marie
      at (6 months ago)

      Hi Janelle!

      Thank you for your kinds words.. I am so happy that this post helped you. It is certainly one of my most popular posts by views and searches so also know that your not alone in feeling the way you did!

      Wishing you love and happiness,

      Ash

      Reply
      • gail
        at (5 months ago)

        Hi…I liked this post as well…..I just dont understand if I shoud wait for him to contact me or if I should reach out to him?

        Reply
        • Ashley Marie
          at (5 months ago)

          Hi Gail!

          Wait for him to contact you. The key here is if he isn’t respecting your time you shouldn’t wait around, or at least don’t let him know you are waiting around. If a man wants to be with you he will get in touch with you regardless of what else is going on in his life.

          Thanks for reading! :)
          Ash

          Reply
  2. stella
    at (4 months ago)

    If he pulls away for whatever reason……I tell him to piss off coz his temper tantrums are not woth it……Who wants to mother a grown man?

    Reply
  3. Sophia eddy
    at (2 months ago)

    Is it wrong to say this but is this the only way to keep a guy? All of these articles on what to do and what to say, it kinda makes me feel a little I’ll. I have a friend who’s a guy and recently we got close with each other, he said I make him happy. I do like him and care but he’s told me he just wants to b friends so I’m cool with that, last time I saw him I strictly acted how I would with any other friend, anyway we had a really fun time then he hits me with you make me happy, I’m going to go into myself for a bit I want to find myself. That was two weeks ago, I haven’t contacted him and don’t intend to, I’m really confused as to what I should do I don’t want to invade his me time by asking if he’s feeling better. The thought of putting soooomuch effort into just hanging out with a guy is freak in crazy! What do I do?

    Reply
    • Ashley Marie
      at (2 months ago)

      Hi Sophia!

      I totally get what you are feeling…It can feel really shitty or unfair that we have to do all these little things to “get the guy”. Here’s the truth about the rules…they are really for you, not for him. They are to help you get to a place that is totally respectful or your self. When you get total acceptance of self and who you are, you will see this guys’s game a mile away and say, “no thank you I am not interested in putting my emotions through the ringer” and just naturally do this keep your distance “trick” I am suggesting.

      When a man says he just wants to be friends he is telling the truth. I know us ladies have the tendency to think deep down “Once he sees how amazing I am he will change his mind, so I will just accept this “friendship” for now and see how it plays out.” He probably knows you are a little more into him than friends and pulled away because of what he said, he really doesn’t want a relationship.

      Is there a chance that if you give him space he will come around and realize that he really does have more than “friend’s feelings” for you… maybe… but I wouldn’t hold my breath. He certainly won’t realize it if you go after him because it sends the message to him that he is the be all and end all to your happiness even though he is totally not available.

      I would let this guy go and move on… after all your happiness Miss Sophia does not depend on this Lame-o guy who is screwing with your head. You are so worth sooooo much more than that. So even though it is hard, walk away, and find a man who is ready to be more-than-friends right from the start.

      xo, Ash

      Reply
  4. Becca Thomas
    at (1 month ago)

    Hi Ash,
    I need advice. My boyfriend and I have just started dating recently but we’ve been best friends for years. We started getting serious and everything was going great but one day he just started pulling away. Now he is leaving for the air force in a week and I wont be able to talk to him till November. I dont want him to go like this but I dont know what to do to bring him back so we can have one last romantic time before he leaves… help! Please!

    Reply
  5. gail
    at (5 months ago)

    should I just respond to him when he reaches out or should i let him know i am thinking about him with a text? that i miss him and want to know how he is?

    Reply

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