I am about to give you the only love advice you will ever need. This is the hack that everyone is looking for. I will warn you ahead of time it will not satisfy you. Information itself is just that; a tidbit that exists in this present moment that you will either be open to receiving or will dismiss with disgust. The decision will be made in an instant. Even if you do accept all the information, the probability of you being able to put it all into practice regularly is very slim. I don’t say this to be negative. I say it because we as humans, tend to only accept things once they’ve been proven to us. After we have trialed them for some time and we see positive results.
When it comes to love however, this trialing becomes difficult, because our love is where our emotions are most tightly tied. We are paralyzed searching for the perfect moves to make to keep the object of our affection with us, to prevent that person from ever leaving. So there adds a desperation over each of the bits of information, a strict all or nothing approach to relationship advice. If it does not work after a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, we quickly discard it and go back to the way we have always operated. We feel the need to move fast and demand answers, to come to the quickest possible solution, or the moment could be lost! The love could leave and we would have failed once again.
The greatest thing I have ever learned about love is patience. Even saying that word will have evoked some eye rolls and those people are the ones that no advice will satisfy. They are only looking for the quick fix that does not exist.
For the ones who are still with me… here we go.
Patience, followed by calmness of mind, and the ability to hold the sand (your love) loosely in your hand, is all the advice you really need.
Love cannot and will not be forced. The all or nothing formula does not work on love. If you are operating from a place of if he does this than it always means this, black and white, no exception; then you will never be fully successful in achieving the love you desire.
Patience is not just waiting; it is the managing a rollercoaster of emotions. It is consciously choosing your partner again and again and again. That’s when you love them, when you hate them, and when you feel indifferent towards them. It’s choosing, at a level higher than emotions, that even when you are not currently satisfied at-this-very-moment and you’re scared to death that you are wasting something; time, energy, youth. In those moments it is staying and having a little faith that will bring you to a far greater happiness than a quick solution ever will.
Love will not accept demands, it rebels against them. The “Where is this going?”, “Am I wasting my time?”, “Do you really love me or not?”; love recoils at those things. Love grows not through jealously or constraint but through free flow. Allowing your love to choose you again and again and again; when he loves you, when he hates you, and when he is indifferent towards you.
Your evolutionary fight or flight reaction is what causes you to demand vs. be patient. To think of a million scenarios in which it could all go up in flames vs. just accepting the experience for everything and anything it will give to you. To lay the strict ground rules and try to control all possible outcomes vs. holding your palm open and allowing the love its unwavering freedom.
It’s when we push against our archaic evolutionary urges and ignore our inner stirrings of the “but what ifs” that we can really see the truth. The truth is that you don’t need to predict the outcome (because you can’t) and trying to do so only leads to a pre-mature ending anyway. Only when your heart is wide open giving someone the ability, hell, the permission, to totally destroy you, will you really see if your relationship has what it takes to transcend the norms. It’s only when we hold the sand loosely in our hands that we can be sure it is there because it wants to be, because it needs to be, because it is always choosing you.